Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip online movie review - Cinema at its lowest point
When The Chipmunks disguise squirrels as themselves with toys of them and the box says Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel I said to myself, "This is the worst movie I have ever seen in my life.
" I stepped outside of the auditorium and sat outside for a good 5 minutes rethinking my entire life. I kept asking myself, "Why am I doing this to myself? Why is Jason Lee in this? Is he a masochist? Why couldn't he do another season of My Name is Earl? That was a pretty good show. How could he stoop this low? Why did he agree to do this movie? Why am I watching this movie?" Life can be cruel, this is life at its cruelest.
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip has the "beloved" Chipmunks return to the big screen after 4 YEARS since the abomination called Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked. This time Alvin, Simon and Theodore decide for the 4th time that Dave wants to get rid of them even though they've been living with him for 11 years and he hasn't decided to jump off a bridge to get the chalk-screeching sounds of their voices out of his head. I bet Dave wakes up in the middle of the night with sounds of The Chipmunks singing terrible covers of songs that were popular in 2006 and realizes that he's made a terrible mistake and contemplates taking them to a taxidermist to keep his sanity. Anyways, they think he's going to propose to his girlfriend, that's so stupid that she keeps forgetting that she has a stethoscope hanging around her neck in every scene, and go across the country to stop the proposal. Every time I try to explain the plot to someone I end up finding the nearest pillow and screaming my sorrows away into that said pillow. That's how poorly thought out and written this film is.
As you can tell from the first 2 paragraphs I hate this movies guts. It does so many things wrong that it baffles me that when the MPAA saw this to give it a rating they didn't just chuck it out the window with The Day The Clown Cried. The comedy is the equivalent to Vine as in it comes out of nowhere. So because of that you laugh cause it was? random. Who cares of making good jokes when the crying 3 year old can get a good chuckle to a fart joke. There are jokes so random that I'm baffled that they got passed the final cut. Like when Theodore randomly starts singing Sir Mix-A-Lot's Baby Got Back so they can get a butt joke in there. Let's not the children think and make the adults cringe as they see this so-called comedy happen right in front of them.
It seems that after 3 movies David Cross had better things to do (i.e. Bob and Dave) and passed on this movie. So who could replace the Arrested Development star? Well why not another Arrested Development star, Tony Hale. I feel so bad for his character because he's literally just doing his job and trying to capture fugitive Chipmunks (Did I just type Fugitive Chipmunks?). But not even his character is redeemable. Random celebrity appearances include LMFAO (Remember him? No? I don't blame you.), Bella Thorne, that one girl from Austin and Ally, and famous YouTube star Flula. Do they have any reason to be in this? Of course not! It's all about the money! But this movie won't be making its money bank because some genius at FOX said, "Let's release this the same day as Star Wars The Force Awakens! We'll make so much money off this!" From the day I am writing this Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip has grossed $14 million opening day. "That sounds like a lot!" you say. Well let's compare it to the other Chipmunk films. The first Chipmunk film made $44 million on its opening day. The Squeakquel made $48 million on its opening day and Chipwrecked made $23 million on it's opening day. So what happened? I'll tell you. NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE CHIPMUNKS ANYMORE! When you go on hiatus for 4 years and suddenly announce your 4th film in the middle of 2015 you're asking for your film to flop.
I have nothing else to say about this movie. The Road Chip is the worst film I've ever experienced in my life. Nothing will compare (hopefully!). It's a shame that people can get away with making trash like this. Go see anything else that doesn't involve anthropomorphic chipmunks.