Dirty Grandpa online movie review - Dirty Grandpa
'I haven't had sex in 15 years and I wanna f*ck! f*ck! f*ck! f*ck!' 'Oh, so that's what this is all about??'
Yes this is what this movie is all about, Robert De Niro's dirty grandpa character who has just lost his wife of 40 years, is now revealed to be a foul mouthed, booze obsessed pervert who wants to f*ck young girls. Its up to the young, clean cut and unaware Jason (Efron) to escort him from Georgia to his Florida retirement home. Aaand that's your movie in a nutshell people, sound familiar? well that's probably because its been done a sh*tzillion times before.
I mean honesty, who thought of this? who green-lit it? The entire concept is so cliché and dated, an old grandfather figure that turns out to be a dirty, loud mouthed, profanity spewing perv who also just happens to be an ex-special forces type so he can also kick ass if needs be. This of course means you're gonna get a sequence where he does indeed kick someone's ass much to the surprise of Jason his grandson. Naturally of course, the fact that grandpa is an ass- kicking, alcohol machine, means that the grandson character must be a total goodie goodie, a real preppy nerd type because its the perfect equal polar opposite match-up. Completely and utterly predictable, clichéd, corny and unoriginal, the characters literally lay out the ground plan for the plot without even having to write a single word of dialog for them.
And yes you've guessed it, that plot simply revolves around lots and lots and lots of binge drinking at parties, girls in skimpy bikinis, pool parties, beach parties, drinking, drugs, lame pranks, drinking, sex, nudity, drinking, jail time, muscle flexing and plenty of drinking. This is basically the modern frat boy flick minus any originality because frat boy flicks were a staple diet back in the 80's. So this odd pairing drive off on this road trip of sorts in an attempt to reach Florida. God knows how far they actually get because the entire flick is taken up with the duo getting into various parties so grandpa can try and get laid. This is against the wishes of a shocked Jason of course but he usually ends up getting tricked or drugged into it, then winds up enjoying it, then winds up waking up somewhere hungover and naked...or in jail, take your pick. The whole time Jason is also trying to hide all this outrageous behaviour from his very sexy, yet very prudish fiancée and his conservative parents. Anyway all I know is at one point they get to Daytona beach in Florida, no clue how they got there or how far they still had to go, but who cares.
Now in all honesty the casting for grandpa Dick with De Niro is pretty good. De Niro is the obviously the perfect age and he has that perfect persona where you're not really sure what he's actually like, he could easily be a dark horse. To that extent De Niro does the job well, as we know he's great at swearing and being tough, he still looks pretty tough, and he fits the rough ex-services persona well also. For all intense and purposes he could easily be playing yet another mobster type in a comedy, he never really swings too far from that schtick. As for Jason played by Efron, well to be honest the guy is too good looking and too muscular for this part. He isn't too bad with his comic timing and everything (surprisingly!), but when it came to sequences like the 'flex-off' on the beach and when he's generally topless, he's way too ripped! That's not a bad thing but I really think to get the right comedic affect they should of cast someone without a good physique, with bad hair, someone who's a bit geeky looking. That would at least be a good opposite to the rest of beach/party going extras who are generally all sexy boys and girls. The fact that Efron is way hotter than all of them kinda makes most of the sexual innuendo gags fall flat.
I must point out one character played by some bloke called Jason Mantzoukas. Oh my f*cking God this guy was so f*cking annoying I could of killed him, literally killed him. Who is this guy? where did he come from? why is he being cast in movies? is he supposed to be a funny guy? Holy sh*tstains this guy was dreadful, completely unfunny, everything just fell flat or totally missed the target by miles. His whole drug obsession spiel was just so f*cking clichéd, so old, so not funny! Yeah its so cool and amusing to do drugs or pretend to do drugs ha-ha-ha! Jesus Christ I was giggling at sh*t like this when I was a kid back in the mid 80's. Then you have the two corrupt cops, one male and one female, played by whoever, I don't care. Once again, completely not funny, not even close, just cringeworthy on every level, literally amateurish.
Yeah so bottom line, this is a piece of sh*t, an unfunny piece of modern day movie garbage. Not even De Niro or Efron's perfectly tanned torso can save this, its dribble of epic proportions with not a laugh in sight. That is of course...the thought of seeing De Niro's cock in Efron's face sounds good to you? Or 72 year old De Niro's character having sex with a supposed 20 something college student (Lenore) and then having a kid together (making Efron's character the uncle to his grandfathers newborn son and a college slut his new grandmother). Oh and then there's the real classy dialog between grandpa Dick and Lenore...'You're gonna tsunami on my face', 'You're gonna flood like the Nile', Nice.